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I teach all of my courses using what could be termed loosely an inclusive, feminist pedagogical approach Schacht b. Finally, important lessons about the research process and academia can also be learned Penff ; Thorne In other words, although being an outsider within is a contradictory location full of inherent tensions, it also affords holders of this status a critical, often creative vantage point that is largely unavailable to the insiders. The things I had learned about organized masculine sporting activities while undertaking this ethnography also allowed me to better relate to other class participants' experiences and feelings about sports. The next three sections of this article more fully explore these general themes: Although I had to temporarily lose my soul to undertake this ethnography, what I learned from it will continue to transform my own awareness and consciousness, so that someday, in concert with others, no one will feel like an outsider within or a sylph in any social situation. These themes are not proposed as mutually exclusive or exhaustive; rather, they are offered as possibly valuable outcomes of undertaking feminist research in misogynist settings as an outsider within and a sylph.
This feeling of betrayal was additionally aggravated because I felt it was ethically important that the identities of the participants and their activities remain confidential, and what I was learning about the players would present them in a very negative light. Finally, important lessons about the research process and academia can also be learned Penff ; Thorne The essay ends by noting both the richness and importance of fieldwork being undertaken in blatantly incompatible settings. Unfortunately, however, my decision to enter this incompatible setting caused me to feel that I was betraying my feminist worldview. Since, however, most practices involved us playing "touch" a form of rugby that involves no tackling or other physically aggressive actions found in matches , Tim's hacking would seem entirely out of place. The things I had learned about organized masculine sporting activities while undertaking this ethnography also allowed me to better relate to other class participants' experiences and feelings about sports. In this setting, I held what has been termed an "active membership role, where researchers participate in the core activities in much the same way as the members, yet they hold back from committing themselves to the goals and values of the members" Adler and Adler , They're [members of the other club] real cheap bastards. Presently, I find myself increasingly rejecting what Eisler called a "dominator model" of being in the world, as reflected above and throughout this article, and replacing it with a "partnership model. Such a process is also seen as character building that results in better, more appreciative individuals, with the "fittest" being most rewarded. In sum, I believe that being temporarily fed a steady diet of hierarchical, misogynist experiences further radicalized and strengthened my own feminist awareness and advocacy. Of course, I too never meant anyone ill intent or harm by my actions. As a result, all I did was later ask the players why they continued to sing this song when the woman was so visibly upset. This incompatibility is typically brought about by one of two factors: Moreover, I also stopped discussing and trying to justify my research to feminist friends. Quite simply, although there is no one feminist methodology, and feminists use an infinite array of different methodologies to undertake feminist research, there are some very distinct guiding principles that feminists use in their research Canclan ; Cook and Fonow , ; Hawkesworth ; Reinharz ; Wolf After attending one practice, I was invited to go drink beer afterwards, something done almost every practice, to attend the match that weekend as a player, and to come to the rugby party that followed. Less than an hour later at the bar over beers, I overheard Tim explaining to Joe that he really did not mean any ill intent or harm. While the statuses of being an outsider within and becoming a sylph holds promise for many field study areas, I believe it is especially useful, and perhaps an essential research strategy, when one undertakes fieldwork in incompatible settings such as the rugby pitch. In many situations, I was able to relate to the materials presented in an experientially grounded manner and to further support many of the academic statements made during class with my own experiences. She was forced to stop playing in due to injury and now works as a pundit and model. With a chilling scream, all play on the pitch suddenly stopped. Special note is made of the emotional costs and unique vantage points such incompatibilities present. More specifically, I experientially started to understand that most of my masculine sense of being and perceived superiority to others was relationally based on rejecting--sometimes violently--anything seen as feminine: I do not believe that my initially becoming a sylph was the result of a conscious decision; rather, it was perhaps the only pragmatic way that I could survive the overwhelming feelings of self-estrangement I was experiencing at the time. This is combined with an experientially grounded presentation format.
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