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But like me, everyone grew up not knowing anything about them because of it. Break out the best guns literally. And we were, like, their great grandparents. So the other day I found myself daydreaming that aliens from another galaxy came here and they were exactly like us but had just existed for like, more years than we did—and they had these badass guns that would, like, unfold and mold around their hands when they pulled them out. You always put on the best show. Have the most poignant insights—and we all want on your guest list. What will happen to my guns!?!
Do you feel lucky? The availability of all of these makes sense, because this is not what the coastal elitists LaPierre attacks in his speeches would wear—it is the clearly the uniform of the militiaman in Montana, hunter in Oklahoma, or Knob Creek Machine Gun Shoot attendee in Kentucky. I keep thinking that if I could just get them to the range, like my roommate did for me in college, they would love it. No worries that misogyny has been the culprit in a number of mass killings and that a domestic abuser who has access to firearms is more than seven times more likely to kill his partner , helping lead to the harrowing statistic that three women are killed by their significant other every single day. To stay on top, you have to keep climbing—always. Break out the best guns literally. But like me, everyone grew up not knowing anything about them because of it. And we were, like, their great grandparents. Fear not, however, because the NRA has created a lifestyle site just for you. You may be the first person in the history of the world to wear both Yankees and Red Sox hats—those hats actually mean something to people, kind of like your bought-and-paid-for advocacy will mean more people will get killed. So a lot of times, like when I went home for Memorial Day last weekend, I think about who I might pull aside, who I think might be receptive, what gun I think they would like— planning my strategy to slowly turn everyone to the light side of The Force. Can you feel the power surging through your body, and the ladies just begging to be on your guest list? Most poor suckers were born to wait by the phone, but you bring the party to your doorstep. It was then we realized they actually had just accidentally travelled through time and come back to Earth from Earth. But most of the site is aimed squarely at the frustrated, angry conservative male, giving him the fantasy escape that only a tall tale and long gun can accomplish. Perhaps most importantly, the NRA knows your dreams, your need to reassert control of your life, to be the cool guy you see on TV getting all the ladies in between smoking cigars and riding motorcycles. NRA Sharp also allows you to watch the comic stylings of Noir, Colion Noir, just about the only African-American the NRA could dig up to try and make guns seem cool to non-whites, who reject the gun culture at an alarming rate to their accountants. Have the most poignant insights—and we all want on your guest list. No, your out-of-body hallucination is a powerful anti-establishment conservative, taking it to all those sissies who follow laws and stuff. Now to be fair to Wayne LaPierre—NRA executive vice president and foaming mouthpiece —and his Band of Merry Bagmen at the NRA, there are a few parts of this site that try to cater to females and the younger among our species. Yes, you have all the power, baby. So the other day I found myself daydreaming that aliens from another galaxy came here and they were exactly like us but had just existed for like, more years than we did—and they had these badass guns that would, like, unfold and mold around their hands when they pulled them out. For example, as we know from the creepy manifesto left behind by the shooter in Santa Barbara, he was having a very hard time with women, and his bitterness from these failures hardened into a hatred for women, one that would tragically led him to go on his killing spree. Back home, guns are… not popular. What lovely products does NRA Sharp have in store for you at the click of a mouse?
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