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It angered me that a man like him could so easily hide within the walls of a church or a seemingly happy home. His face was calm and smug. We ended up in the same orientation and, as fate would have it, assigned seating had us sitting right next to each other. His generous Christianity came across in his willingness to give blowjobs without need for reciprocity. I never noticed how dark his windows were tinted, but now it made sense. We're not ruling that out.
I asked what word better described a man who snuck off to have sex with men while his wife and kids thought he was at work. Dad was equally passionate about promoting family values and lobbied against gay marriage at the state capitol. This only made her angry. She answered on the second ring, her voice cheerful and happy to hear from us. That next day I packed everything into my repaired Honda Civic and moved into the college dorms. I wondered whether he was e-mailing from the couch while my Mom folded his laundry. We started talking right away and began getting to know each other, sharing way too many laughs in the process! It angered me that a man like him could so easily hide within the walls of a church or a seemingly happy home. I decided to drop out of college but I was too ashamed to tell my roommates, so I kept leaving my house at the same time every day. We were rarely alone together but he was in a good mood and told jokes as we followed the tow truck. Instead, I downloaded a hacker program that secretly logged all encrypted keystrokes on our family computer. She eventually took me to another doctor and he told me I had depression. I decided my new reason for existing was so I could rescue my mom. I told her it would take longer than a commercial. I still pray for the courage to go through with it. My body turned against me and refused to give me my period. I remember feeling confused by how easily I could laugh aloud while simultaneously despising him. I never noticed how dark his windows were tinted, but now it made sense. I hid the secret inside of me but it began to take a toll. I showed it to my Mom, confident she would finally believe me. I would never actually do anything like this. I am not…that way. I was always careful to charge the laptop back to the same percentage it had been before I slid it back into his briefcase. I was no longer living in a world where some of us were entitled to wag a finger of judgment. You need to deal with your own sin.
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